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"It's been a while since i've done this..."

Well it's been a while like the title says since i've done this but i do miss being able to let out all my thoughts in this one little blog. So my ex (jose) wrote to me and told me that his aunt died. i feel terrible because i was there for him when his first aunt died and for some reason i feel it's my duty to be there for him. i know my family won't let me but i just feel like it's my job to be there for him. he was always there for me when things were going wrong and he still is in a way. More than jose i miss juan. We were so great together it's hard to believe it's gone. We hit it off from the first day we met and i relished in every moment of that day. I wished so many times that day wouldn't end.  But i suppose all great things come to an end. The same thing that ended mine and jose's relationship is the one thing that killed mine and juan's. I never kept a secret from them but other people thought i had a secret. You know it was never a secret from my friends it was actually quite obvious. Only those that didn't want to admit it were oblivious to the fact that I was doing things they didn't like. Either way the sad thing is that any time i was having problems with anyone high school would pop into my head and i would flash back to graduation day just when i was about to walk across that stage and Jorge called out my name and asked me , "are you ready for this?" i smiled at him and told him, "hell no! i'm scared! are you?" that always brings a smile to my face or at least it used to. it doesn't anymore for some reason. in my rather "emo-kid" life there has been a lot of tragedy. My uncle passed away not too long ago and after that my cousin celina's friends died. i feel terrible that i can't help her more. if she ever reads this you have to know that i've been down this road more than once and i know what it's like so if you need anything i'm here. please realize that you're not alone. the thing that scares me most is that i could've lost my cousin. celina was supposed to go with them and i'd be mourning with the rest of these families. i don't know what i'd do without celina and the sad thing is that i've never told celina how special she truly is to me. it sux that i've never told her that she means a lot to me. as a matter of fact i've never told any of my family that they do mean the world to me and now that i've lost sooo much  i guess i should. well i mean lately i've been going to a lot of concerts to keep my mind off of things and it doesn't really work but hey there's good music going. i went to the korn concert and i saw aj and ricky friekin' gilbert had to work so that sux but ahhh seeing ricky brought back memories not of that concert (cochinos!) but of me meeting gilbert for the first time. crazy days man, just crazy. well i suppose that's all for now because i've got a party to plan and it's not getting any easier so....ugh later dayz 

well hello world...how are things out there? well as for me things are pretty damn good. i'm working full time and planning on starting school next year. i miss my friends and family back in el paso but this is for the best and i'm enjoying my time over here. i've got a hell of a lot of friends at work and i pretty much get along with everybody except for a few people who shall remain nameless...NATASHA!!! well anyways my cousin daniela found me on myspace and i'm happy she did 'cause i haven't heard from her in... `WHOO!! a long ass time. it's good to know that she's ok and that the family genes are kicking in on her. well i plan on going home in october to visit...and pick up some more of my stuff like shoes, pets, you know stuff like that. here's a question that's been bugging me. how come girls are expected to be straight out when guys can't even be honest with themselves. like they know that they like somebody but they deny it just for the sake of saving face. if you like someone guys no matter how pretty or ugly/ smart or dumb why don't you just say something 'cause it's not fair when girls are expected to say something and guys just play it off like you don't know what we're talking about. that's just not cool and you guys should work on that or something. well i'm out people it's time to drink and listen to some tunes